Baby People

11 Apr

Come on, you’ve seen her.

Every family reunion, she has somebody’s baby on her lap.  She corners pregnant women at the grocery store and asks them how far along they are and if they’ve picked out names yet. She loves talking to anyone 24 months or younger and when she does, she dwops her Rs because evewyfing is so fweaking pwecious.

Who's precious? Hm? Who's a precious sweetie? Who's a sweetie-peetie punkin berry? Is it you? IS IT YOU?

She isn’t necessarily an extrovert, but when she sees a baby, she just can’t help it.  She goes into a weird, maternal crack fit and her fix is baby smell.  She needs to hold babies. She lives in their world, man; she thinks their thoughts.

She’s a Baby Person.

And if you think she’s going to let a baby slip under her radar?  Dude, you’re out of your mind.

Don’t misunderstand me, by the way.  This isn’t a complaint.  We need our Baby People.  They remind us of a time when the world wasn’t so bleak and cynical.  Eventually, babies turn into brooding, tortured teens and we should probably thank the Baby People for stopping it from happening even earlier in life.  We should cherish them for who they are, for doing what they do.

Since discovering our newfound triplet fortune, we’ve become acquainted with a few Baby People.  We’ve found they’re often incognito, waiting to pounce, like undercover FBI.  Fact is, they’re everywhere.  You know plenty of them.

My wife and I, on the other hand?  Well, there’s no other way to say it: we’re not Baby People.

So, listen, you're looking great. I trust all your needs are being met and things are going well for you. If not, seriously, give me a shout. We'll get together or something.

Now, we don’t hate babies; we don’t even dislike them.  We just can’t relate.  We’re happy to smile at your baby and congratulate you on such attractive offspring.  We say things like “aww” and “look how sweet”.  We’ll shake your hand and pat the little nipper’s head and there’s a really good chance that, later on, we’ll remark to each other, “wasn’t that a cute baby?”  But we probably won’t grab your baby out of your hands without an invitation.  We won’t do that thing where we pull up your baby’s shirt and blow mouth farts into his belly.  Nothing personal, we’re just not in the Baby Business.  That’s the exclusive province of the Baby People.

And soon we’ll have triplets.

My wife is a little panicked.  If you’ve never met her, you’ll need to take my word for it: she really is an interesting, stylish lady.  She works at a high-end salon and, in her spare time, she cooks vegan and campaigns on behalf of the environment and animal rights.  She’s a fan of all things mod.  She’s colorful, quirky, offbeat and multi-layered.  But she’s worried all that is slipping away.  She’s going to have to be The Lady With The Triplets, end of story.

Me, I don’t know.  I’m sure healthy, highly functional human beings can be raised by two parents who aren’t necessarily Baby People.  And fact is, we’re going to need the help of lots of Baby People to get through these initial months.  We don’t know what we’re doing.  Hearing from other triplet parents has helped enormously, but it certainly hasn’t begun to transform us into a couple who emails pictures of baby outfits to each other with the subject “OMG CUTEST EVER”.

Baby People, are you born or are you made?  Can a non-BP transform into a BP?  Is it inevitable?  Can we hang onto our identities as arty intellectuals or are we destined to be the human zoo?

Help us, Baby People!  Teach us!


14 Responses to “Baby People”

  1. amanda April 11, 2011 at 1:31 pm #

    Jeremy, from one Non-baby-person to another, I speak the truth:
    The first time your kids pee on you, poop on you, puke on you, you’ll suddenly wonder where they’ve been all your life. You’ll have met the 3 best things to happen since sliced bread, realizing that you were waiting for them before you ever thought you needed them. You will be, not just baby people, but YOUR baby people. (And that is, strictly speaking, the very best kind to be).

  2. mark April 11, 2011 at 1:36 pm #

    Your posts are hilarious!! You capture many of the sentiments I had when I figured out we were having trips.

    I never considered myself a Baby Person either. But our triplets changed things pretty quickly. Now I blow mouth farts on my babies’ tummies while tickling their sides. Why? They giggle like CRAZY. They think it is the funniest thing EVER. You’ll probably find you do things you never imagined doing. Why? Babies love a ham and you’ll do anything to get a smile or laugh from them. Why? It is the most beautiful feeling ever LOL

    As for losing your arty identity…that won’t happen. It’s who you are. Did you lose your identities when you got married? Nah.

  3. pam April 11, 2011 at 1:42 pm #

    i’ve always been a baby person. my husband, not so much. he still isn’t, but he definitely loves his boys. not to worry.

    and there are lots of stylish triplet moms out there in the blog world. not me, mind you, but here’s one:

  4. Rochelle C. April 11, 2011 at 3:30 pm #

    K. Your blog just completely fascinates me. Mostly because you say the things I’d probably be thinking in my head if I were having triplets, but would be too afraid to say.

    Non-baby person here. Couldn’t stand it when people touched my stomach, cringe when anyone under 60 talks to my kids like you described, and I’ll admit counted the days until my own children would sleep through the night. I will remain non-baby with the exception(s) of my own children and grandchildren.I confess I made myself be little more hands on with my nieces and nephews because I want to establish relationships with them.

    Being a parent will just be a new extension of you. Like a different facet of light when the sun reflects off that side of you. So Carey will remain multilayered, talented, modern and all the things you love about her. She’ll just have this new thing to love about her and you for her.

    Just my 2 cents for what it’s worth.

  5. Erin April 11, 2011 at 3:58 pm #

    You will be changed by your babies for sure! But, I don’t think you have to lose yourselves. However, I can 100% guarantee that you will say and do and think things that you thought (and swore) you never would before your little people came into the world. Babies just change you. No, you won’t lose your artsy style and personalities–but babies change you. You will, very suddenly, see the world as if you are seeing everything for the first time. You will see it through their eyes, and it is the biggest thrill you could imagine. Just wait. Wait until you watch your children discover everything about the world that you had stopped noticing long ago (blades of grass, shadows, the feeling of water, your nose)… Just wait.

  6. Jon April 11, 2011 at 5:10 pm #

    I was only a baby person for as long as we had babies and, then, only for our babies. God is merciful. People with babies are temporarily blinded to the fact that they’re carrying around a miniature person who resembles Telly Savalas (or Michael Berryman, in some unfortunate cases).

  7. Deborah Kerr April 11, 2011 at 6:26 pm #

    At first, she will only be “the lady with triplets.” But then her personality will start to leak out, or grow back, or something. Well, I guess it’s just like the rest of life. Some days will be amazing and creative. Other days you wait till relief arrives in the form of a)husband coming home b)getting a break from one or more child OR c)bedtime.

    • Stephanie April 12, 2011 at 5:31 am #

      Me: NOT a baby person with FIVE babies (not all at the same time, thank the good Lord). The BEST thing about babies is that they become amazing little individuals, and then freaking awesome people! (For the record, I never talked to my kids in baby talk – and they were talking in sentences before they were two!)

      Please tell Carrie that she will never be just The Lady with The Triplets – she will be the stylish, colorful, quirky, offbeat and multi-layered lady (who also happens to have triplets). People are always amazed when they learn that I have five kids, because I am not THAT kind of mom. I’m the mom whose house all the friends want to visit and hang out. (My ‘kids’ are now 27, 25, 23, 21 and 18, and soon to have a stop-daughter who’s 14 – life just keeps getting better and better!)

      You guys will do just fine, I’m sure. Congratulations, you two, soon-to-be five. {{{HUGS}}}

  8. Deb April 12, 2011 at 5:16 am #

    For what it’s worth, we weren’t baby people either. And 6 1/2 years and three babies later, we still aren’t baby people. We’re just ourselves, but with babies. Youngest is about to turn 2, and I’m counting down the days until the end of babyness. Not that I didn’t love them as babies, but I feel more relaxed with them as kids. And the awesome part is that they are kids and then adults way longer than they are babies. Your life changes, no doubt about it. But you can still be yourself. It just takes a while to figure it out.

  9. Gregg April 12, 2011 at 6:18 am #

    Oh man, you’re in for it. You’re inner baby person will blossom on cue…like a Bizzaro-Jer that will surface when in close proximity with the catalyst: your own baby. You may not be the bubbly “cute-widdle baby person” – you’ll become your own type of baby person.

    My family has given me a hard time for years for being the least babypersony person they know. Now, just 6 weeks into fatherhood, I fight hourly urges to upload every picture I take of Max to Facebook – Wow, it’s the first time he’s worn this shade of blue with these pants. The World needs to see thi…oh no, who am I…

    It’s not whether you’ll become a baby person; you will. The fun is seeing just what kind of baby person you are. I don’t do “baby voice” – I do, however, speak to Max in a bad Cockney accent (a’la Dick Van Dyke in Mary Poppins).

    And its not “mouth farts into their belly”…they’re called zerberts. Get to studyin’.

  10. Becky April 12, 2011 at 9:59 am #

    Geez, these comments have me choking back tears here at work!! Would you be surprised to hear me admit that I am not a “baby person”? I’ve felt a little guilty at times about that fact because I don’t relate to people that are in love with every baby and anyone’s baby… just don’t get it. But, Erin is right- The crazy love that you feel for your own can’t be matched. I now you’ve heard me say, “The best thing I’ve done in this life is be a Mom.” and it’s true, the three of you have brought such richness and joy to my life that it is inconceivable what life would’ve been like without you. Rest assured, you and Carey will not lose yourselves, instead you will discover more of who you are- facets you have yet to know- the Carey and Jeremy version of Mom and Dad.
    P.S. I’m aleady crazy about those 3 little Bears!

  11. StayatHomeTripletDad April 13, 2011 at 8:28 am #

    Ditto on the other comments. I am not a “baby person” but I am/was with my babies. On a funny note I don’t really like feet. I figure God put them down there and that is where they belong. But I LOVE my kids’ feet, weird? Yes, but so is being a parent:)

    On a separate note, it took about six months till I felt like they were “my kids.” Also, I never got peed on changing diapers… just put the new diaper under them before taking off the old one and you can make a quick switch. It also saves the changing pad cover. But yes, you will have the smell of pee and poop around for a LONG time:) lol

    If you all are looking into reusable diapers there are some really cool ones but they cost some serious money. Plus I don’t mind getting puked on or poop on me but I don’t want to wash dirty diapers. That’s where I drew the line. Also, talk to your OB after they are born and get them to hit up the formula rep for freebies if you go that route. We got A LOT!

    Have fun!


  12. Jeremy April 18, 2011 at 8:15 pm #

    I think the threat of becoming a Baby Person was part of the reason my wife and I resisted children for so long. The funny thing is, though, now we’re very curious to see what it’s all about.

    Thanks for the great responses. You’ve given us a lot to chew on.


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