17 Jun

Carey and I can’t quite escape it and maybe we don’t want to: writing blogs and reading blogs and being members of the blogging community has meant more to us in recent months, particularly in recent weeks, than almost anything. We should probably hang around.  Well, we need to. I suppose there’s a part of us that feels that, if we’re writing and others are reading, that’s a piece of our boys that gets to stay with us.

Anyway, it’s a start.

I’ve received emails and Facebook messages that have been written with such zeal and honesty that I’ve wanted to say to the sender: Could you paste this onto a FB wall or a message board or even a blog comment? Because I think others should read this too.

Carey and I are putting together a memorial next week and as we prepare material for it and discuss the people and places that have meant the most to us in our time with Rudyard, Des and Oz, we keep returning to you. And when I say “you”, I mean, well, you. You, looking at your laptop or desktop or smart phone, at home or at work or out and about. You, who maybe know us already or maybe not. You, who know our little fellows as well as their aunts or grandparents know them because you’ve taken the time to check this space.

There’ve been some really, truly generous souls who’ve gone back to their own Facebook statuses and even their own blogs who’ve used their own digital real estate to talk about us and our sons. Often asking for prayer, sometimes just mentioning who we are and how what’s happened to us has affected them, in some cases petitioning others to visit us here or at ModVegan to lend their support.

In not just the spirit of reciprocity, but also true appreciation, I’d like to mention a handful of blogs who’ve brought others here by writing about us. They’re the reason people know about our boys because they took the time to tell people. And, bonus, in every single instance, I’ve been moved or intrigued or in some way struck by their perspective. They’re worth reading and I want to tell others about them.

If you’ve got a second, give these folks a click. Odds are decent you already know at least one of them:

Multiples and More
Amanda is the queen of all things multiples and her mini-empire isn’t so mini anymore. If you have twins, triplets, quads or quints, Amanda wants to meet you. Without question, she’s directed more good people here than anyone and it’s been a real blessing to be a part of her network.

Stay At Home Triplet Dad
When I was flailing around, panicked and bleary-headed, after discovering our triplet pregnancy, Al was my first triplet-parent friend. He’s been generous with advice, spreadsheets, schedules and, most recently, prayers. I hope to meet him for reals one day.

Newlyweds Next Door
Kirsten is a real-life friend with a real-fun blog about the comings and goings of herself and her husband Jon. Her help and support has been a big deal to Carey and me and we’re lucky to know her.

Fireworks to Fireplaces
“Ms. G”, a very dear friend of ours, writes about her pregnancy and eventual loss of their little one, “Baby G”, last December.  She graciously offered to spread the word about our children and she’s kept her promise.

Spontaneous Triplets Blog
Good friends Esther and Jason have generously shared the journey of birthing their spontaneous triplets with the world. William, Jackson and Emilia were born healthy and strong one week ago today.

Pyjammy’s Blog
Pam knows social media and she’s maybe the most committed blogger I’ve ever seen. She left the very first Tips On Triplets comment and she’s been on our side ever since. Her boys are lucky to have her.

Lost and Found Connections Abound
A network/blog that exists to provide a supportive community for parents and parent-hopefuls, particularly those who’ve experienced loss.

Crossing the Double Pink Lines
Chloe, like us, lost all three of her triplets recently. Her words and support have been essential to both of us. During our hospital stay, she advised us, “you won’t feel like it, but take lots of pictures. You’ll want them later.” We did and she was right.

She Breathes Deeply
Mandy is cool, energetic, tattooed and her blog is popular for a reason. I’ve only discovered her recently and I’m glad I did.  If you’re not reading her, you should.

What the Blog?
Jenn doesn’t just entertain and inform, she provides a valuable service to lots and lots of people everywhere: she inspires.  A very insightful blog with nitty-gritty anecdotes genuinely helpful to new parents.

This Beautiful Mess
Charity and her family are old friends and we’re lucky to know them. She’s beautiful and intelligent, just like her blog.  Also, she’s a pastor’s wife, but try not to hold it against her.

All This Grace and Charm
Carly is an admitted fan of all things fun and clever. A stylish lady with a stylish blog that I’ve just recently begun to enjoy.  Her mojo is infectious.

Multiple-y Blessed, written by Kim

The Adventures of TaderBaby, written by TBONEGRL

Three Times the Giggles, written by Helen

OneParkBench, written by Susan, who we’re lucky to know

Triplet Diaries, written by Kari, Mariann and Trude

Zone Defense, written by Kitty

No.17 Cherry Tree Lane, written by Rachel, who prays a lot

Spermination Station, written by Genevieve

Just a Dash of Sanders, written by Jamie and Chrissy

These Mountains are Mine, written by Noelle

Three Little Ladies, written by Ryan

About the Small Stuff, written by Cary

A Magnolia Heart, written by Whitney

Fille d’Eve (Daughter of Eve), written by Tami

I do apologize if I’ve left you off the list and, admittedly, this doesn’t include the people who’ve spread the word about us through Facebook, Twitter or email, even though it should. If I’ve neglected to include you, please say something and give me and everyone a link to your blog/twitter/tumbr/facebook.

And, for that matter, I think this would be an appropriate time, if you feel so inclined, to introduce yourself, whoever you are. If you’ve been reading/hoping/praying or even just lurking, say hello, would you? And, holy smokes, if you have a blog, please mention what it is and where it is.

There are good people here, who’ve made the last couple of weeks a little easier.

And if now isn’t the time to come together, then, man, what is?

42 Responses to “Hello”

  1. Randy Bear at 3:54 pm #

    Very well written, Jer… you were and will be a tremendous dad. Can’t wait to see you and Carebear.

  2. Sharon at 3:56 pm #

    Jer and Carey,
    My heart leaps when I hear a “beep” on my Blackberry — hoping it’s a new blog from you – and just now it was. So heartfelt and encouraging to know you are dealing well. You have a new follower “Heave Is for Real” and they have cried with me and cried more over you. More later. Thank you for these blogs – have read some, and appreciate the others. The boys lives are touching people’s cores and your and Carey’s self-sacrificing love shines beyond words. This and your new friends’ blogs are going on my FB page too. What a great community!!! Such love. ….. all my heart.

  3. christina at 4:12 pm #

    I learned of your blog a couple of weeks ago through a link that Pam (pyjammy) shared on facebook asking for prayers. I prayed for you and your wife and your boys and have cried over them and continue to pray for you now. God is already using your family to minister to others and I hope you feel His grace with you every moment. I can’t imagine meeting my babies and losing them in the same day. Peace be with you as you navigate through this.

    (You can get to my blog about my triplets by clicking on my name).

  4. Michelle at 4:38 pm #

    Hi there, yes, I’ve been lurking after learning about your blog through a triplet parent on the Boudreux Trioux. I have ggg triplets born about 21 months ago and I didn’t have anything profound or what I felt was meaningful to say and that is why I had yet to comment. But I wanted you both to know I read back through your blog posts and even read many of them aloud to my husband because your sense of humor and personal take on the triplet life is entertaining to us. I also want you to know that I’ve cried for you, with you through the loss of your boys as I’m sure many others have as well. You are and forever will be triplet parents, I hope you keep this blog going. I personally would love to keep up with your journey.
    Our blog is http://husegals.blogspot.com

  5. genevieve at 5:00 pm #

    I found out about you guys on Twitter and I felt my heart break into pieces. The day after I went into pre-term labor with P, a fellow blogger lost her daughter. Rather, she was told after 6 days she had lost her daughter. Hubby and I have to decide in a month whether we can/should use our frosties. Your story hit me like bricks because of that…first time was nervewracking…can I do it again? My heart broke…I thought at one point I would lose my LO and it was terrifying. What you have been through…it touches a nerve. You are so strong, and passionate, and your story has touched many lives. That is why I had to share it. I pray that you both find peace, that some good comes your way and that we can lift you up during this time.

  6. Candice at 5:20 pm #

    I can’t remember if I’ve written before but I have been lurking for a while now but only recently (as in a few days ago) figured out how to subscribe (I had been checking your page daily). So Hi, and thank you so much for sharing and sticking around. What happened is sh*t (sorry, that’s the nicest word I could think of to describe it) and I wish it hadn’t happened or that I was somehow able to make it stop hurting for you guys. In the last 18mths I have been exposed to a lot of loss and grief and although I HATED people giving their well meaning advice on how we should approach our grieving (“it will be okay”, “time heals all wounds” etc.) there was one piece that my family and I really appreciated; from a woman who had also suffered loss, it was “there are no rules”.

  7. esther at 5:46 pm #

    hi…i, too, have been reading your blog and found it through one of the blogs that you mentioned in your post…and first of all, i am very sorry and saddened for your loss. i am deeply sorry.

    i hope that you don’t mind me sharing this with you…one of the reasons why i read and will be coming back to your blog and why i think of you and your wife during the days is because your story could have been mine. it could have been. i, too, was pregnant with triplets- all three separately growing inside me. i delievered healthy twin boys. i did not deliver one of the babies…deep inside, i know that it was three boys. i just know it. my twins are forever my ‘triplets/surviving twins”. i was so lucky and blessed to have been able to deliver the boys at 36 weeks..but my story could have been similar to yours, too….

    again, my heart-felt condolenses to you and your family….

  8. Becca (Harstine) Braham at 6:02 pm #

    I’m so glad you’ve been able to find some sort of comfort through this online world. My son, Miles (almost 5 yrs), is autistic and reading about what others have been through/tried/failed/succeeded has help me navigate this somewhat crazy territory.

    The outpouring of support for you and Carey actually gives me a little bit of hope for humanity. People, who’s eyes we’ve never seen, are shedding tears and wondering what the hell happened. Everything was going so well. It isn’t fair. They grieve for you and pray for you and all the stuff in between. People who have hearts so big, they cry for those they’ve never even meet. It’s beautiful. Touching.

  9. kate at 6:40 pm #

    I’m just a reader of your blog that has been praying so hard for your family. I hope you continue to find comfort in the words from all of us strangers wherever we are. I find yours and Carey’s strength inspiring.

  10. Cary at 6:52 pm #

    You guys continue to amaze me. Everytime I log into Blogger I hope to see a blog post from you to see how you’re doing, how you’re coping, how you’re grieving.

    Thanks so much for the shout out, but it was nothing. When Carey’s water broke, I just wanted as many people as possible to hear your story and pray, reach out and support you in whatever way they could. I knew you were going to need it.


  11. Jennifer Gunter at 7:11 pm #

    I continue to think about you and Carrie often. I’m glad you 2 are still writing. I found writing on my blog to be a good way to express my feelings that I did not want to say out loud when our 1st born triplet died. I hate how unfair life is sometimes. -Jennifer http://www.motherofatoddlerandtriplets.blogspot.com/

  12. Diane at 8:47 pm #

    I’m a lurker, I’ll confess. I found your blogs through other blogs and loved your writing and sense of humor. When Carey’s water broke, I cried along with everyone else and prayed and checked for updates repeatedly. My heart breaks for you both and I will continue to pray for your strength and comfort. I have no blog (just triplets, two older siblings, a full time job and no time:-)- I just like to look at other triplet blogs for advice and ways to find the humor in things.

  13. Ami Bunch at 9:26 pm #

    Hi guys. I’m Ami, mom of BGB triplets. I’ve been reading and commenting for a while, but hello again! Like so many others, I’m so glad you’re continuing to blog. I’ll be honest, it feels good to us, knowing that you’re still there, following a kind of grief I can’t personally imagine. I was on vacation for the days leading up to the boys’ birth and I cried and cried on my hotel bed. I just think you both are amazing parents of triplets and I hope you’ll keep sharing your stories with us.

    Our blog is: http://www.bunchbabies.blogspot.com

    Take care, Ami

  14. Erin Burtoft at 3:56 am #

    Jer & Care,
    Once again… you both amaze me. Thanks for thanking all of us, when all we really feel like we’ve done is sob. Keep writing, if you can.
    Love ya.

  15. Christa at 5:03 am #

    I found your blog through Multiples and More…I have several friends with multiples and in the face of losing 2 pregnancies recently, I found myself reading multiple blogs for enjoyment. i cried with you all, as our loss is still so fresh – though I am sure I can’t imagine losing 3 at a time.

    since we are missionaries, i did not write about our issues on our blog. sorta contemplated starting a different blog for our struggles.

    i woke up with you all heavy on my heart and praying for you.

  16. Sarah at 8:05 am #

    I found your blog through Firework to Fireplaces. Thank you so much for sharing the emotional and beautiful story of your sweet sons’ birth and life. Your words and their courage truly inspired me. You all are in my thoughts and prayers. Our little blog is http://www.fuzzychronicles.com

  17. Chloe at 10:13 am #

    I’m so glad that I could help in some small way. I hope you know that you both have helped me as well.

  18. Susan at 12:05 pm #

    I agree that continuing to blog and share your story will be an encouragement to you both as you heal. Along with benefiting you (and honoring your precious babies), it will be an encouragement to those around you.
    Your boys and your love for them has reminded me (daily) of the fragility and importance of life … basic, everyday life that is so easy to take for granted.
    I have no idea how you even found my blog, but am thankful you were uplifted by my heartfelt words. Many, many, many people feel that same as I do about your strength and unparalleled candor.
    Take care. Keep sharing.

  19. Jeremy at 2:24 pm #

    Thanks for chiming in, friends.

    Also, I’m already being reminded of people who have written about us/the boys and I neglected to mention. Few have encouraged us more than our friend Tami, whose blog can be found at http://filledeve.blogspot.com/ . I’ve updated the list to include her.

  20. Jessica W. at 6:16 pm #

    Jer & Carey,

    I struggle with which few things to share with you here. I want to write volumes–full of anything that may give you comfort, hope, encouragement, laughter(?). It somehow feels inadequate to keep writing the same thing to you guys. Still, I want to let you know (again) that I am thinking of you and praying for you often. Take care of yourselves and each other.

  21. emily at 7:08 pm #

    I just recently started to read your blog. I was linked via “she breaths deeply”.

    I had to say that you and your wife are two of the luckiest people to have found each other. I cannot fathom your losses. I can only wish/hope/pray to have such a supportive husband as you are. Thank you for being so open, and letting us all into your life, especially now through such a difficult time.


  22. Kelly at 7:14 pm #

    Hi, Jeremy! I am an old friend of Carey’s from high school and a mother of multiples myself. I have also had the same unfortunate experience as you and Carey have…I had a stillborn between my oldest and my twins. Ever since I found out about the triplets (George let it slip!) I could not stop thinking about the two of you and have followed the both of you closely ever since. I hope one day to meet up with the two of you when you make it to the east coast. I continue to think about you and Carey all the time and pray for you often. It can be a long and tough road, but one that makes you stronger for having traveled. Carey knows how to get in touch with me and I welcome your calls or emails…it can really help to talk to someone who has been there. You are an awesome husband and father, and no one can ever take that away from you. Prayers for you and Carey and for better days ahead.

  23. Sarah Crabtree at 8:54 pm #

    Aaron and I are still praying for you. 🙂

  24. nikandthetrip at 6:28 am #

    Hi Jeremy, I’m a triplet mom too, from Italy (triplets plus one, actually). I “met” Pam 3 years ago when our kids were born, thorough TC and I followed her link to your blog few weeks ago. I don’t follow many blogs, I hardly follow mine, but yours got my attention right away. Your personality, spirit, attitude and writing are simply amazing. Even now, you and Carey continue to amaze me. Your strength and faith will get through this difficult time. You are honoring and remembering your boys in the best way I can imagine, please continue to do so. I’m not “lots of prayers-kind of person” but your family is always in my thoughts. Thanks for letting us into your life, I’m sure there are many of us and I hope this could be a small help for you. I wish you all the best.
    Take care

  25. StayatHomeTripletDad at 6:29 am #

    You all continue to give me, my family and countless others strength. Thank you again for letting us have a window inside your lives.

    I know it is not a happy one but I want to wish you a loving Father’s Day. I usually put the apostrophe after the “s” as I believe it is a day to celebrate all Fathers. But you, my friend, deserve your own day. My prayer today is that each day that passes will bring more joy for you and your family and less tears of sorrow.


  26. April at 9:15 am #

    So many thoughts on this, Jer…it has been the greatest encouragement to me over the last month to read what’s been posted for you and Carey. It’s been like hundreds of arms reaching out to hug and hearts to comfort you when it hurt not to be able to do it in person…I’ve found that some of the words and actions that have brought the most encouragement in my life have come from unexpected sources. I think it’s then that we really experience grace in the gift or the words because it feels so unmerited and we’re touched in a deeper way as we see God modeled…thinking of all the times we’ve witnessed and records we’ve signed — high school yearbooks, wedding guestbooks, artwork, notes and webpages — honored and grateful to have walked alongside you and looking forward to more to come.

  27. tracey at 10:33 am #

    You are such a great writer and I have followed along care of multiples and more. I have commented as both a mom who gave birth to 26 week twin boys, care of infection (they did survive but not without their complications), but also as a mom who lost a baby girl before them at 20 weeks. You and your wife are amazingly strong to share your story and as long as you keep writing it I will keep reading it. I write about our kids at trousdellfive.blogspot.com. Continuing to think of you guys and pray for you!

  28. Thanks for the blog(s) shoutout. I’m glad I could I be here for you guys in any small way I can.

    I know this isn’t how you pictured your first father’s day. But I did want to wish you a happy father’s day. You are one amazing father. Love you guys.

  29. Shelby Cherry at 10:59 am #

    Sending both of you hugs across the miles this Father’s Day. Jeremy, you continue to be a wonderful father to Rudyard, Desmond, and Oscar. Through remembering and honoring them on your blog, you allow them to continue to make a positive difference in the world. I hope that when our time comes to cross to the other side, you will introduce us to them. I look forward to hugging each one of your sons and thanking them for touching my life.

  30. Fabiola at 2:25 pm #

    I’m blog friend’s with Kirsten and I’ve been following your journey.
    I lost two babies last year, with no explanations.
    As I said to a friend who recently lost a baby, it is a club nobody wants to join and I truly with I didn’t need to see anybody joining it again.

    I wish I could meet you and your wife in person, but as for now, I send you a big virtual hug from Brazil.


  31. carolyndg at 2:33 pm #

    Hi Jeremy, I am Stephanie Wells’ little sister…I met Carey at her wedding and Stephanie told me about your blogs when she was pregnant. I was with Stephanie the weekend that you lost your sweet boys with our other sister Suzanne, and we all cried together and comforted Stephanie, who was especially upset that she wasn’t with Carey to comfort her. You have so many people out here praying for you and sending love and good thoughts…I am just one of them. But please know that your story and your boys have touched so many of us. Wishing you peace and comfort…Carolyn.

  32. Michelle at 7:01 pm #

    Hi Jeremy,
    I found the link to your blog from another twin blog that was asking for prayers for you. I have boy/girl twins and an from the east coast of Australia. I havn’t commented before not knowing what to say. But now ‘hi’. I feel as though I know you both just from your posts. Even though I don’t know you in real life the pain and tears I have felt for you both have been very real. You need to keep up with the blogs. Not just so I can keep up with what’s happening but mainly so I can make sure you guys are doing okay. Please accept my prayers for you both. You are in my thoughts. Michelle

  33. pyjammy at 6:58 am #

    I’m kind of honored that I was your first commenter! 🙂 Kind of a sign that I spend too much time online, eh?

    Anyway…I’m glad you’re going to keep blogging. You will always be a part of the triplet community, like it or not, and I hope to follow along your journey, wherever it takes you guys next.

  34. Just Jenn at 7:30 am #

    Hi y’all. I’m Jenny. I found your blog through Mandy and read through the entire thing Thursday. Our family has been praying daily for your family and will continue to. I hope that you stay around for a long time in the blog world. Thinking of you. ~ Jenn

  35. meg at 7:32 am #

    i have nothing profound to say, only prayers continually whispered up on your behalf…

    …i found your blog via a link from a facebook friend and have followed your journey since you entered the hospital. i have not experienced the heartbreak of losing a baby from my belly–but have experienced loss. the book Heaven, by randy alcorn has been an amazing comfort to me, perhaps it will be to you, too.

  36. Kacie at 3:29 pm #

    I have been following your journey and I am completely devastated by your loss. I went into preterm labor during my pregnancy but we were so lucky to have a healthy baby (only one week early). Your blog has made me appreciate that experience even more. Please know that prayers are coming your way. I was thinking of you and your wife yesterday, on Father’s Day. It was my husband’s first Father’s Day too.


  37. Marina Ortega at 4:03 pm #

    Jeremy & Carey,

    I started reading your blog a few months ago and would check in (and continue to check-in) for new posts daily. Although I don’t know you personally, I want you to know how proud of both of you I am. You are a beautiful couple and your love and strength is remarkable. I am a newlywed and I gain such inspiration from the strength you two find in each other. Since the first day I read your blog I was spread the word to my coworkers, friends and family about how much I enjoyed your blog, and I have also shared your journey with them has time has progressed. Thank you for sharing the story of your Bear
    Family with all of us. Your family continues to be in my prayers.

    Marina Ortega

  38. jennandtonica at 11:03 am #

    Shut up with all your kind words for everyone! Community isn’t just a word used willy-nilly to describe the various networks you’ve in which you’ve participated. We’ve been here for you and will continue to be here for you. And like Pam said – you’re stuck in the triplet world now, like it or not!

  39. Jenn G at 11:20 am #

    hey guys. i don’t know if you remember me or not…Jenn Case from Grace…married Jerry Gigowski…
    anyway, i was linked a while ago from Boyd Smith’s facebook and have been praying for you ever since.
    the strength you have had is just incredible, and i’m so proud of you and thankful for you.
    and btw, that phrase “the Lord will never give you more than you can handle” burns Jerry and me up too. glad that you found the CORRECT verse.
    anyway, continuing to pray for you. lots of love sent your way.

  40. kristi bodley at 2:04 am #

    Hi, I’m a friend of Josh Petrillo and Susan Wessels. I stumbled upon your story via Josh’s facebook status and have been praying since. God gives us more than we can handle every day! That’s why we need Him so much!
    I will continue to pray for your healing and for God to draw you both closer to Him and to each other.

  41. Lara at 10:33 am #

    Hi, I’m Lara Krohmer, and I attend Grace in LB. I first heard about what you were going through by my husband, Jesse. I haven’t stopped praying for you since. My daughter was born in May 2010 with some big medical challenges. We spent 5 weeks in the NICU, and this whole year has been filled with doctor appointments, surgeries, and other medical procedures for her. I tell you this just because God has forever changed me because of my daughter. He has given me such a burden for others that are hurting because of their children. I am committed to pray for you and Carey, and I will continue to follow your blog in order to know what specific things I should be praying for. I am the one that passed your story on to Rachel (at Number17CherryTreeLane). She is a friend of mine and has a huge heart for prayer. She shares weekly prayer requests on her blog, and I felt compelled to ask for prayer on your behalf.

  42. Amy at 11:36 am #

    My name is Amy, and I bloghopped on here from Cary at abouthesmallstuff. I have a twitter account, but didn’t really check it much until I started reading your story. I cried into a puddle many times while reading your posts, here and at ModVegan too. I think your story is an amazing reminder of the “goodwill toward men” the way people all over cyberspace came together (and continue to do so) to try to bring goodness and hope to your situation.
    As for me and introducing myself, I am the mother of two girls, ages 2.5 and 6. I am very familiar with prematurity, and my oldest has cerebral palsy and is a little spitfire of a girl. I never thought I’d be a SN mom, but E is a constant reminder to me about what is important in life–family, perseverance, courage, support, love, patience and encouragement.
    I keep a blog about raising E, mostly with the hope that it might help other parents who might be in a similar situation.

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