FAQ

How are you offering “tips on triplets” if you don’t have any children, much less three of them, much less three of them born at the same time?

It’s a fair question. This blog was begun in February of 2011, shortly after my wife and I discovered she was pregnant with triplets. On June 4, 2011, they were born and subsequently passed away. The triplets are gone, but, as of now anyhow, the blog remains in remembrance of them and it’s still as good a place as any for me to keep a  journal.

So this blog is sort of a memorial, then?

I don’t know. Not really. Maybe that’s part of it, but the cold truth is I really don’t know what to do with it and I’d rather continue writing than take it down. I’d prefer not to think of it as a memorial or a grief blog or anything like that, because it’s not what I intended for it. I started Tips On Triplets because our then-forthcoming children were the most important thing happening in my life at the time and they were all I thought about, so a blog seemed natural. As of this writing, they’re still all I think about and even if they weren’t, I’d probably still want somewhere to jot and publish.

Any details about the triplets you’re willing to share?

Their names are Rudyard, Desmond and Oscar. All three were born and all three died the morning of June 4, 2011. I wrote a short tribute to them here which goes into a little more detail.

How did they die?

They were born at 22 weeks, which is just shy of a viable age for babies to survive outside the womb. Rudyard’s water inexplicably broke a few days earlier, which introduced an infection and eventually inspired premature labor for all three.  My wife went into much, much more detail on her own blog.

Have you considered starting a new blog?

That’s probably not a bad idea. Let me get back to you.

What’s with all the questions below?

Oh, those are from the old FAQ. I suppose I should delete them, but, y’know.

Nostalgia?

Nostalgia.

-Jeremy (June, 2011)


Triplets?  Are you kidding?  You’re kidding.  (Are you?)

No, it’s true.  We discovered the pregnancy in late January 2011 and a few weeks later, our doctor confirmed it: triplets.  We’re freaking out too.

When’s the due date?

The official, 40-week due date is October 6, but pretty much all triplets are premies, usually born a couple of months early.  We’re hoping and praying to hang onto them at least 32 weeks, which would put us somewhere in the vicinity of mid-August.  It’s important in this kind of situation to stay pregnant as long as humanly possible to avoid complications.

Was this planned?

Not even a little bit.  Those that know us know we’ve always been, at best, non-committal about having children.  This was, in every way, a surprise (details here, if you’re interested).

Were you using fertility meds or IVF?

No. The vast majority of triplet pregnancies of the past 20 years have been assisted by IVF and/or fertility medication.  We’re having what’s known as “spontaneous” triplets, meaning we had no fertility assistance.  For a younger-than-35 couple like us, it’s extremely rare.

Are they identical?

Apparently, you can’t be 100% sure until the babies are actually born, but all evidence thus far strongly points to all three being non-identical (fraternal). The fetuses each have their own sac and own placenta, which would be unlikely if two or all three were identical.

Are there any more risks with a triplet pregnancy than a single-child pregnancy?

Definitely. Triplet pregnancies are automatically considered high-risk. On top of this, Carey has been living with Lupus for nearly 15 years, which is a very delicate situation with any pregnancy, also considered extremely high-risk.  We’re optimistic, but our OB and the MFM specialists we’ve seen continue to remind us that it’s by no means a certainty that all three will survive.  We’re hoping and praying for three healthy, as-close-to-full-term-as-possible babies.  The good news is, everyone seems healthy so far and Carey’s Lupus has remained mild and in remission for the past couple of years.  If we can get to at least 32 weeks, though, the chances of something going wrong with the babies drops dramatically.  If we had to point to our biggest worry, it would definitely be that Carey begins labor too early.

Where are you going to live?  What are you going to do?

That’s a tough one.  We’re considering all options at the moment, from selling our little two-bedroom Long Beach condo in favor of a bigger apartment in the area… all the way up to packing up and moving back across the country to be closer to our families.  It does look like we’ll be in our current home in Long Beach up through the births, but we’ll need to figure something out shortly thereafter.

Is there anything I can do to help you out?

Sincerely, we can use all the help, prayers and encouragement you have to spare.  We’re not just new to the idea of triplets, but babies and parenting and general is a big mystery to us.  Please check in at this blog often for updates and leave a comment.  We’d love to hear from you.  Also, Carey has her own blog over at http://www.ModVegan.com/.

If you’d like to send us a personal note or ask a question that you’d rather not be a public comment, you can email me at:
art[at]jeremybear.com

and you can email Carey at:
careymbear[at]hotmail.com

Thanks a lot for reading.  Obviously, I’ll be updating the blog as much as possible, not just with status updates on the pregnancy, but also with original essays, articles, interviews, photos, videos and general ruminations, reminiscent of that Jeremy Bear mojo of yesteryear you’ve most assuredly been missing.  Also, I’ll update this FAQ from time to time as things progress.

Wish us luck.  Brother, we’ll need it.

-Jeremy (March, 2011)

14 Responses to “FAQ”

  1. Dirk March 30, 2011 at 10:20 am #

    Again, wow, you guys. What a beautiful family you’ll be. I know it’s irritating to have people tell you what’s what, but I’ll be honest, with three kids, I do think you’ll want to plan for major, almost live-in help for the first few months (a mom/father, sister/brother, etc.). It’s the sleeping thing: kids that young are so erratic with their sleeping that, with three, you may very well have at least one kid needing attention (and someone awake) at every minute of every day.

    • Jeremy March 30, 2011 at 8:08 pm #

      Thanks so much, Dirk. It was such a great experience for Carey and I to meet such cool, interesting and intelligent people as you and Michelle and see how fully you’ve embraced parenthood. And the more we hear from other parents of multiples, the more it sounds like you’re right about the help…

  2. Deb March 30, 2011 at 11:08 am #

    Wow, you guys. Huge congratulations. This is amazing. Also massive prayers coming your way, for health and for sanity. Advice seems out of the question, but be assured that we’re praying.

    • Jeremy March 30, 2011 at 8:09 pm #

      On the contrary, Deb, we’ll take any advice you have to spare.

      Thanks for your prayers and encouragement!

  3. Natalia May 31, 2011 at 10:06 am #

    Hello!

    I came across your blog and I wanted to see if I could talk to you about the show and if you might post a flyer for us. I feel like a lot of the people that read your blog would be good candidates for the show, deserving moms who spend all their time on their children, school, community, etc and have no time to focus on themselves.

    ABC is now casting an all new daytime talk show! The casting team is looking for inspirational and relatable women wanting to lose 50-100 lbs. The women selected for the show will be provided with a personal trainer, meals and a nutrition plan to help them lose weight within their own environment.

    Once chosen for the show, we provide them with a personal trainer, nutritionist, meal delivery system, etc; all the tools they will need to reach their goal. It is like “Biggest Loser” in the weight loss sense, but this is NOT a competition. We are just looking to improve the lives of deserving women everywhere.

    If you, have any questions, please don’t hesitate to contact me.

    Thank you!

    Natalia James
    Casting Director
    Eyeworks USA, LLC

    _ _
    Revolution Casting Team
    Eyeworks (formerly 3Ball Productions)
    O: 424.236.7500
    F: 424.236.7501

  4. thescreamingkettle June 4, 2011 at 8:16 am #

    Hi Jeremy. We communicated a couple times about 5 years ago through Danny Wright’s blog. I just found out about the health issues from the last few days and I wanted to let you both know I am praying for you and sending you some middle-American cheers from Ohio. I have nothing more to offer than that. Peace of Christ to you.

  5. Bear Boys Rock! June 15, 2011 at 9:36 pm #

    What’s really unique about the blog Tips on Triplets, Jer, is that the triplets still ARE an entity – a living force, if you will – in that their beings and lives and impact are incxreasing every day THROUGH YOU and CAREY as your new journey – your most unique journey AS A RESULT OF THEIR LIVES. Their individual impact. The continuity flows. Who are we mortals to say that a physical state of being is the summation of the person’s life/influence on others? Nay. But Rudyard (whom I like to think of as Rudi), Desmond, and Oscar (does that ring with “rascal”?) each imparted a message and carved a part of your hearts that beats on. They carved into others’ hearts as well with their fight, and wills / characters on display. There signatures made in untold hearts and minds will multiply, mushroom and spread as our lives do so What a great way to chronicle your own life with/as result of the boys (albeit they are absent for now) than to continue your blog of their impact as time goes by? It’s a Win-Win. Please continue. I need the healing too from my heart/soul investment in unison with you and Carey. Thank you for your graciousnes in opening up and sharing. AND I am praying every single day +++ times for you and God’s strength. He WILL support you, you know? Psalm 139 – even when David was trying to “hide” and “run away” from God, in the depths God’s RIGHT hand still held him (God would not let go no matter how angry David was). God understood and God loved. Your blog might be your own road map through the storm when sheets of tears and rain cna’t let you see a step ahead, yet what you do, discover, and express will reflect the lil’ Bear Men’s influence in your heart and how time shows they becione “Men, My Sons.” More quickly than dreamed. God bless. You are deeply in my prayers. Love you both a LOT.

  6. Kellie Mueller July 25, 2011 at 8:11 am #

    Hi,
    I was recently put in contact with your blog. My name is Kellie Mueller and my husband and I lost our three baby boys at 23 and 2 just over a year ago due to premature rupture of membranes. I wanted to extend my sympathies to you and your wife for the loss of your sweet boys. Please feel free to contact me. I have walked in your shoes and it’s a difficult journey.
    Again, I am so sorry for you loss.
    Kellie

  7. meaghan July 15, 2013 at 4:30 pm #

    It was hard to read this blog as if looking in a mirror, I lost triplets which I conceived naturally as well. My experience was the same as your wifes. Same year as well
    I haven’t yet grieved properly. I don’t know how to really . Its funny after it happened I searched endlessly for a similar occurrence and ccould never find anything til now. This blog as morbid as our situation may be, this blog offered relief.

  8. DM Sharma November 7, 2013 at 10:10 pm #

    Very sorry for your loss. I have 2 great teenage kids, but we lost 2 also. Your story on BBC made me think of the latter 2, and realize they shouldn’t be forgotten.
    I hope you and your wife are able to achieve your dreams.
    Best wishes

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

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